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When it comes to funeral etiquette in Brooklyn, the rules aren’t always clear-cut. Some families prefer the formality of traditional black clothing, hushed tones and solemn rituals. Others like to go all out and celebrate the life of a vibrant, unconventional loved one with colorful clothes, live music and storytelling.
No matter what kind of funeral you’re planning or attending, one thing stays the same at Harmony Funeral Home: Respect. We honor the customs and preferences of every family and guide you through the etiquette that fits best whether it’s a deeply traditional funeral or more personal and modern service.
What Should I Wear?
Play it safe and wear something simple and modest. While black is the go-to color for many, it’s not always required. What matters is that your outfit doesn’t call attention to you. Generally acceptable colors and styles include:
- Black, charcoal, navy or other dark tones
- Solid-colored dresses, suits or dress slacks
- Closed-toe shoes that are clean and formal
The dos are the safe bet, and the don’ts fall into a wide range of attire that’s just not appropriate unless you’ve been told otherwise or know the deceased would want to stick with the unconventional. For example, for a biker funeral, it would be okay to wear leather and blue jeans. But usually, it’s best to not show up in outfits like:
- T-shirts, jeans, shorts or workout clothes
- Bright colors like red, orange or neon shades
- Sneakers, flip-flops or casual sandals
- Anything too bold that may distract from the service
Many families would feel disrespected if you didn’t follow the dress rules of a particular faith or cultural community. If you’re not sure, you can always call the team at Harmony Funeral Home, who know the funeral etiquette in Brooklyn. Dress appropriately if the funeral follows specific traditions such as:
- Jewish services. Modest, all-black attire is ideal, men may wear a yarmulke.
- Hindu services. White or light-colored clothing is preferred.
- Buddhist services. Simple, respectful attire in dark or neutral tones is appropriate.
- Evangelical Haitian services. This varies by family tradition, but modest, respectful clothing is standard.
- Christian services. Black or dark formal wear is typical. Some denominations prefer white.
- Muslim services. Conservative clothing covering arms and legs is required. Women may wear a headscarf.
- Catholic services. Dark, conservative attire is common, and head coverings for women is observed in some communities.
Should I Bring Flowers or a Gift?
Flowers are a classic way to show you care. Just make sure it’s appropriate for the service. Generally accepted types of offerings include:
- Lilies, roses and chrysanthemums, which symbolize love and remembrance
- Sympathy cards with handwritten notes
- Food baskets or home-cooked meals for the family
For close friends or family members, a small keepsake such as a framed photo or memory book may be a heartfelt gift. But be mindful of cultural differences, such as:
- Jewish funerals.Flowers are typically discouraged. Consider making a charitable donation or sending food.
- Muslim funerals.Flowers are usually not part of the service.
- Christian, Hindu and Buddhist funerals.Flowers are usually welcome and appreciated.
How Should I Behave During the Ceremony?
Funeral services are emotionally charged, so your demeanor matters. Focus on showing respect, keeping calm and offering quiet support. Follow simple, respectful funeral etiquette in Brooklyn rules that include:
- Arriving 10 to 15 minutes early — if you’re late, slip in quietly and sit in the back
- Turning your phone off or setting it to silent mode
- Avoiding side conversations or whispering during the ceremony
- Observing others and following their lead
It’s okay to cry because grief is natural, but if you’re overwhelmed, step outside briefly and return when you’re ready. Small gestures of kindness go a long way.
Can I Take Photos or Videos?
It’s usually not appropriate to take personal photos or record any part of a funeral unless the family specifically invites you to. Even with good intentions, uninvited photography may feel invasive. Follow basic rules for funeral etiquette in Brooklyn and elsewhere, such as:
- Not taking pictures during the service
- Keeping your phone silent and out of sight
- Asking permission before taking photos at memorial displays or gravesites
- Focusing on supporting the family
If the family wishes to capture the service, Harmony Funeral Home can arrange for professional livestreaming or recording to be done respectfully and discreetly.
Can I Bring Children to a Funeral?
You can bring kids to a funeral, but only if it feels right for your family. Funeral services can be an important learning experience for children, especially if they had a close relationship with the deceased. Bringing a child may be okay if they:
- Are old enough to understand what’s happening
- Will be able to remain calm and respectful during the service
- Know what to expect
Bring quiet activities to keep them occupied and consider sitting near an exit in case you need to step out. Some families choose to bring children to the repast or celebration of life instead, which may feel less intense.
What’s the Funeral Etiquette in Brooklyn for Attending a Virtual Funeral?
Virtual services are more common than ever, and etiquette still matters before, during and after the service. Don’t assume that etiquette flies out the window just because people can’t see you. Simple funeral etiquette tips in Brooklyn include:
- Dressing appropriately, even if you’re at home
- Logging in a few minutes early to test your camera and sound
- Making sure your environment is quiet and free from distractions
- Keeping your microphone muted unless you’re invited to speak
- Turning your camera off if you need to step away
Thoughtful messages in the chat or guestbook mean a lot. Leave heartfelt messages like “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m holding your family in my thoughts,” or “Thank you for letting me be part of this beautiful remembrance.”
How Can I Show Ongoing Support?
Grief doesn’t end when the funeral does and neither should your support. In the weeks and months that follow, small gestures bring lasting comfort. Ways to support a grieving family include:
- Sending a meal, flowers or care package after the service
- Checking in on quiet days or special anniversaries
- Offering help with errands, childcare or chores
- Attending a memorial service later on
We’ve guided families throughout Brooklyn with compassion and care, helping them honor their loved ones while maintaining dignity and tradition. If you have questions about what to say, what to wear or how to offer support, contact Harmony Funeral Home.
Harmony Funeral Home
2200 Clarendon Rd.,
Brooklyn, NY 11226
(718) 469-6666